Welcome to Eddie's Jokes page!
Enough of the formal stuff – lets have some fun stuff to lighten the day and lift our spirits...or something!
I have collected the following funnies from emails sent to me by friends and colleagues...If you have a good one, why not send it to me and I'll post it on the site with a credit (provided it's not too rude or offensive!!) All this material will be changed on a regular basis and eventually archived, so do pop back and take a look!
My Email is:
(eddie at eddie wade dot co dot uk)
Here are some singer jokes to start you off...Sopranos first.
What's the definition of a bad soprano?
One who's so bad that the tenors notice.
What's the difference between a soprano and a
terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between a soprano and a
piranha?
The lipstick.
What's the difference between a soprano and a pit
bull?
The jewellery.
How many sopranos does it take to change a light
bulb?
1. One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves
around her.
2. Two. One to hold the mineral water and the other to
get her accompanist to do it.
How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why are soprano jokes all one-liners?
So tenors can understand them.
Mezzos next..
What's the definition of an alto?
A soprano who can sight-read.
What's the difference between an alto and a tenor?
Tenors don't have hair on their backs.
What's the difference between a dressmaker and an
alto?
The dressmaker tucks up the frills.
How many altos does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
1. None. They can't get that high.
2. Two. One to screw it in and the other to say,
'Isn't that a little high for you?'
now Tenors...
How do you tell if a tenor is dead?
The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven't
been touched.
Where is a tenor's resonance?
Where his brain should be.
What's the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.
What do you see if you look up a soprano's skirt?
A tenor.
How many tenors does it take to change a light
bulb?
1. Four; One to change the bulb and the other three to
stand around explaining how they would have tackled
the role if they had been given the opportunity.
2. Four; one to change it and the other three to stand around
saying, "he'll never get up there!"
and the Basses...
How do you tell if a bass is actually dead?
Hold out a pint (but don't be fooled: a slight,
residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even
hours after death has occurred).
Two basses walk past a pub...
Well, it could happen!?
How many basses does it take to change a light
bulb?
None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark
and bang their shins.
and the Musicians...
What's the difference between a musician and a
mutual fund?
The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.
Why do musicians have to be awake by six o'clock?
Because most shops close by six thirty.
What would a musician do if he won a million
pounds?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Check back soon for more....
